I Think I’ve Lost My Soul-Mate

Based on a true story……somehow. Certain details and names have been altered and changed

The Heartache.

Oh the heartache.

I heard my phone ring. It was Ophelia.

In her thick french accent she said, “I just heard he is now taken”.

“Sheila. Her name is Sheila”, she repeated.

I dropped the phone and fell to the ground.

Right then I knew I had lost you.

The “What If’s” roamed my thoughts as I sat on the bedroom floor.

It was my fault. All my fault.

Even though I wanted to hate you so bad and blame you for letting go of us, I knew I had messed up.

I should have told you how I felt rather than pretend all I wanted from you was friendship.I could see in your eyes you desired more than friendship. The way you stared so intensely, the compliments you gave whenever you admired an outfit of mine, the way you fumbled to come up with an excuse to spend time with me.

Rather than let you know how I felt, I would sit back and laugh.

But who is laughing now.

I remember the day the Lord revealed to me who you were, and asked me to move closer.

I said to myself,”Why should I be the one to make the first move?”.

I disobeyed.

Not because of pride, but because I was scared.

Yes, scared.

Before I knew who you were to me, I always thought I never stood a chance with you. I had nothing to offer you. You were the funky guy everyone wanted to be around. Your sweet spirit made me fall deeper and deeper for you (even though your mindset about life and Christ made me want to punch you in the face *breathe*).

And I?

I had nothing. And was doing nothing. My looks, in my mind was not “all that”. I found it difficult to express myself to others. I was not passionate about the things you were interested in, like arts and culture. I wanted to listen to human stories about present injustices and you wanted to immerse yourself in history.

Our worlds were so different.

Yet I tried…..a little, to move closer with the pretense of catching up.

I would sit there and watch you talk about God knows what. And all I wanted to say to you was “I love you”.

Yes, “I love you Kenny, I love you”.

But I could not master the courage to say the words.

I left our meeting thinking,”The next time I will tell him”.

But “next time” never happened.

And now you are in the arms of another. Being loved by another. Making plans for the future with another. Saying the three words I had wished you would say to me to another.

And it hurts.

More than you would ever know.

*weeps*

I have lost my soul-mate and he is never coming back to me.

Or is he?

© Diana Atuahene 2017

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