From Fear to Love

I vividly remember the night I first had an encounter with the Holy Spirit. Before then, I never saw Him as a person with emotions and feelings. After all He is God, right? All I knew of Him was He was the Spirit of God and He was to teach me and guide me in the ways of God (and scold me when I needed it). Never did I think of Him as a friend.

Fast forward……

I had been fellowshipping with Him for a little over 4 months. The Holy Spirit would come into my room and we would converse (or shall I say He would do the talking and I would do the listening). As He sat and talked about whatever was on His mind, I would think to myself,”This cannot be happening. I am sitting here with the HOLY SPIRIT. This is God sharing what was on His heart…….with me!”.

I was bewildered and speechless. I could never utter a word for fear of saying the wrong thing or anger Him with my fleshly mindset. Rather than contribute to the conversation, I would be mute and listen. I was scared of loosing what I was experiencing. Fear had gripped me so much I could not express myself to Him.

That night I had taken a step without asking of His opinion. The whole day had been very depressing. I could not do anything nor talk to anyone. I felt very naked, empty and very sad. There was this uneasiness in my spirit and I wondered why. I spoke to a friend about it and as he was talking, it dawned on me that the Holy Spirit had stepped away from me because of my actions. That was the reason for the emptiness.

I got to my room that night after a meeting, sat on my bed and wrote an apology letter to Him. I could not believe that something so trivial (to me) as making a decision without Him hurt him this much. When I was done writing it out, I read it out loud to Him hoping He would come around again. Within ten seconds after saying, “I am sorry”, He rushed into the room and embraced me with His presence. I would never forget his words; “Diana you are My friend but I am not yours”.

I could not control my tears. I knew what He was saying was true. He was not my friend. For the first time since His entry into my life, I let down my barriers and opened the door of my heart to Him. The bondage of fear was broken and I could now see Him as my buddy and now my lover. I talk to him about pretty much anything. It doesn’t matter how little it may be, I will tell Him.

My conversations with Him are now raw and uncensored. He is the first person I ran to when I need to talk to someone or make any decision because I know He loves me. He has taught me how to love Him the way He should be loved and it is exciting.

Talk about the Holy Spirit and tears will flow uncontrollably because He is that close to me; He and I are One as He is with the Father. I am aware of His vulnerability as I get close to Him hence I am mindful of the things I do around Him so not to upset Him. I do this not out of fear but out of love.

Why am I sharing this?

I have heard so many say God does not want to talk to them. “This fellowshipping thing is hard”,”How can I have a relationship with someone I cannot see”,”The Holy Spirit is so distant from me and I can’t reach Him” and it goes on and on.There are those who just see Him as someone who just show them the way and speaks when He has something to say. They literally put Him in a box unknowingly.

But what we don’t know is He desires to be closer to us than we do. His desire to befriend us is greater than we can imagine. It is time we begin to see Him as a person who has a heart and emotions and does not want to be left alone in some corner only to be called upon when we are in need of Him.

My desire is that many would get to understand who He is and know Him as they should. That many will silence the voice and whispers of the devil who tells them they cannot hear from Him and He is far away or it is hard to walk with Him. O how I long for that day He would have so many to call friends. I await for such a time.

With Love,

Diana.

© Diana Atuahene 2017


Featured photo is courtesy of  Howard Carter.

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